Scale time!

I just weighed myself: 83lbs lost from the time of surgery, 95lbs lost from the time of the diet preceding the surgery (2 week long diet). so almost 100lbs if you go from my highest weight in March.

i feel good about it and myself. my body is getting smaller and i can feel myself fit into things better. when EJ touches me certain parts of my body (even places you wouldn't think of, like my neck) fit in his hands better. the little things like that are really noticeable to me moreso than the big. i feel my ribs and collarbones now, it's been a long time.

i'm doing great on the diet -- not pushing the food, not cheating, etc. i'm allowing myself to slightly indulge. (ex: we went to a block party and i had a teeny tiny bite of a ginger cookie -- it was yum and i was fine). i haven't been sick in almost two weeks, and last time was accidental. we went to a sushi place, i ordered chicken and lettuce wraps, and there were hidden noodles in there. not fun, but lesson learned.

my back pain is now chronic. it's unbearable. i went to the Hope Spine and Rehab clinic last week for injections...i didn't even ask what they were, i just told her to do it. everywhere. anywhere. anything. my main doctor has me prescribed on vicodin and ultram. my mom was addicted to narcotics for my entire childhood so it scares me. i need to be careful. i am having EJ hold them but i need to find a natural solution. hot baths help and the shots help for a few days. i'm also doing accupuncture when i get my next paycheck. i cannot become addicted. i will not, after all i've been through. i called the doctor this morning, they gave me "Ultram" which is non-narcotic pain relief. it's been almost a week without taking a Vicodin and it's bad. i was up all night in the bath, the pain is unbearable...

but if anyone asks me if it's worth it, i would still say yes. my self-esteem is better, i look better, i have 2 skirts, i've lost a ton of weight...the spine doctor thinks it's the weight loss that's fucking up my back. my bones/muscles/body is shifting so rapidly my back can't keep up. it makes sense but it doesn't help the pain any. it fucking hurts.

other cons..my hair is falling out pretty bad. i started taking natural Biotin vitamin (100mg/day) to help protein/hair/nail growth at the suggestion of my bariatric nurse. we'll see if it helps...

cross your fingers, please. i need it.