Weekend in NC

From Thurs to yesterday, EJ and I went up to Raleigh/Durham, NC to go house-hunting. we have lots of friends there, and really need to get out of the concrete wasteland of fort lauderdale.

we found an adorable house :) our application is being processed today. i'm feeling pretty proud of myself. a year ago at this time, i was suicidal. my weight affected me every single day of my life. i had panic attacks in public because i thought people were staring at me. i couldn't fit in airplane seatbelts so i didn't visit many friends. i hated leaving the house. i hated looking in mirrors. sometimes, i even hated having sex.

my plan was to get the gastric bypass, and get to a happy place in my life. out of florida, to a better place with a good support network of friends. i had these dreams of becoming a healthy weight and living somewhere that made me happy.

less than a year later, i'm here. i'm accomplishing my goals, and it is making me feel so proud. i got the surgery on my own -- i went to the meetings alone, met with the nutritionist alone, did all the research alone, got my stuff to the insurance alone. i had the surgery. i've lost 55lbs. we went to NC and saw amazing friends and found a house. it's all coming together.

of course, i still have these to deal with:



I'm planning on calling in a bit and setting up payment plans for most of them. i just can't afford $3k on all these bills at once. But in order to get the house, we had to pull our credit, and mine is good enough, so i know it hasn't affected me yet. i gotta get to them before it does.

while in NC, i saw amazing friends. a beautiful and intelligent woman who i consider a soulmate. new friends of EJ's who are pretty damn awesome. a high school friend who is still as cool as the day i met her when i was 14. it was good people, a good vibe, and i felt more confident than ever.

i even went swimming, which i hadn't done in public since i was about 12. i wore a tank top and gym shorts, not ready for a suit yet...but i didn't feel too ugly. when we went out to dinner, i thought i was actually pretty for a minute.

progress. wonderful progress.