Hard food night

Last night I had my first real night where I emotionally wanted food.

I'm getting tired of being sore, a little cranky about it, even though I asked for this surgery it still doesn't make it any more fun to recover. I've played my Nintendo DS, watched about a zillion episodes of Law and Order, started reading Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, sat with my feet in the pool, moved from the couch to bed to the couch, and I feel like I'm running out of stuff to do.

So the cranky head in me wanted to eat. I wanted to stuff my face with shrimp, scallops, lobster, stir-fry, chicken nuggets...anything. Emotionally, that's what I turn to when I'm depressed and/or bored. Good food. And last night, I wanted it for the first time and could not do it.

Physically, I am not hungry. My pouch is full after 1/8 a cup of broth. It's mentally that I wanted to eat. And it was hard not to, and I got extra cranky. But this is what I need, I need to get rid of this relationship. I think therapy for it will help. Also, I am hoping the gym will help get out a lot of these feelings in a healthy way. I just need to find something other than food to fill the void when I am lonely / bored / depressed. And this is the hardest part, even harder than the physical pain.

Physically, I'm doing ok. They had a hard time intubating me, so my throat is scratchy and my voice gets tired and hoarse easily. The right side of my stomach has 2 incisions (with stitches and surgical tape) that are healing nicely, no bruising, and I can even sleep on this side for short periods. The left side of my stomach has two much larger incisions, and this is where he used the instruments and actually did the work, so it is much more tender, swollen and a beautiful purple / yellow / pink bruise color. The bruise is about the size of a golf ball. This side is where the pain mostly is, I cannot sleep on it, lay on it, move near it, etc. lol. But every day I use the pain meds less and less.

Slow and steady wins the race :)